When there's a fire; the eardrum shredding over amplified, noise-clipped duck quack alarm goes off

In one of my old jobs I somehow was given the position of Fire Warden for the building floor that my office was on. This wasn't a posting that I had any particular interest in, but no one else volunteered, there weren't too many responsibilities, it would mean I get out of the office for Fire Warden training and I thought I would get some sort of qualification. 
Only 2 of those 4 were true in the end.

Fire? Fire! FIRE!!.....RUN

A few meetings for Fire Warden Training were scheduled over the next few months, unfortunately on our level too, so I didn't get to go anywhere. After the first meeting had begun, it became clear that there wasn't going to be any qualification (like a First Aider qualification which is slightly more useful). Just some pretty obvious fire safety and organisation procedures to remember, and some droll training meetings. These were made slightly more bearable by the fact that a few of the other prospective Fire Wardens were quite hot (haha...pun not intended...)
So, someone had volunteered (me) and the meetings and training had gone all "unexpected item in the bagging area".
At least there were no fire.
Then a few months later; a fire drill. It wasn't a real fire, and everyone did evacuate my office successfully. But nevertheless, my role of Fire Warden was woefully under-performed (through no fault of the Fire Warden training I should add)...
Before there was a chance for a real fire or life-threatening catastrophe to happen, I wrote this letter of resignation from Fire Warden to my colleagues (shown below).

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Kristopher Raven
Date: Thu, 10 May 2012 12:23:17 +1000
Subject: Fire Drill instructions

Hi guys,

Due to a slightly shambolic performance yesterday morning by your Level 14
resident Fire Warden (...me), it has been suggested that an email is sent
round detailing the fire evacuation procedures. As of earlier yesterday
morning, I hung up my yellow hard hat and am no longer the fire warden. So
the search is on for a new one.

Basically, the instructions are: if there's a siren start going down the
stairs, don't rush, single file, one hand on the the handrail, on the left
hand side (in case the fire people need to run up the other side towards
the hypothetical inferno). The lifts won't work unfortunately. You should
abandon any cumbersome, unwieldy possessions when you evacuate the building
too.

If there is monotonous beeping, it means that you should get ready to do
something, like evacuate. It's sort of a warning. When there's a fire; the
eardrum shredding over amplified, noise-clipped duck quack alarm goes off
on the floor that is ablaze - the 2 floors above get the beeping alarm and
1 floor below.
One person (the Fire Warden) will need to stay behind and talk on the red
Bat Phone in the cupboard to the Chief Fire Warden who's in the basement to
get any instructions.

Assemble in the park near to the Kirribilli Club, and if the wind's blowing
in the wrong direction so the park is a) engulfed with smoke, b) on fire,
c) other, or if the building is crumbling and falling into the harbour,
then the other park near to Milsons Point Station (where the water fountain
is) is the assembly point.

I think that's it. If you need more detailed information then becoming the
new Fire Warden maybe the job for you! Please pass this on to any other
staff members who may need this information.

Thanks,

--
*Kris Raven*

"Remember - don't set fire to an agoraphobic person..................they
won't go out"