You'll find me about 11,000 miles away.

My water heater blew up yesterday evening. Properly blew up. Massive expensive-sounding pop. Smoke and shit. The offensive industrial odour of greasy, burning plastic. A combination of circumstances that makes you mutter a random selection of coprolalia (aka Tourettes) inspired swear words. I'd imagine that if you set fire to a pyre made of bodily-effluent infused mattress, a pile of rotting leaves, rusty coat hangers and dead hedgehogs it would probably smell the same. Aside from that, I knew the boiler was on the blink, I've had freezing fucking cold water for 2 days now and even though it's summer and 30 degrees, unheated water from the shower head is still like waters fresh from the fucking Arctic,....cockmunching dickwhistles.  I called a boiler engineer last night, but got no answer. Today I managed to get one, coming tomorrow. I can already guess that it's going to be expensive. Cold showers are not actually that bad in the morning. There's some pseud

Time for this monthly update. I went to Jervis Bay this weekend which was pretty good. I'll write another blog post about it. The end of winter has finally come I think, and the return of warm/hot weather is coming. I can feel it. You can "smell summer" in the evenings. I attribute the "smell of summer" quote to my sister...although she was referring to freshly cut cucumber skins...and it was probably more than 15 years ago. Anyway, mmmm, the fresh smell of summer :) It's actually a bit scary how the months have gone so quickly and it is now August. This blog is over a year old now. I had no celebration as I forgot. I should have some sort of party soon. Maybe design a logo for this blog. I have previously written about The Mysterious Trumpet Player  (it is actually a trombone...) that practices his br ass instrument in increasingly ingenious and secluded places. A few days ago, a colleague and I were walking back from lunch and could hear

I received an email recently from a friend of mine called Mark. The subject was a phenomenon called Tit Monday. "That's right my friend – summer is coming :) It’s around 20C today and ‘after months of burrowing, breasts are rising to the surface like moles at dusk’". Every guy, especially one that works in a city in Britain is probably very aware of this day. One random day, suddenly everything changes and you start to notice that the warmer weather makes females look sexier. Another boring trip to work, only made better that the sun is shining a bit more at 8am. This makes you feel happier. You feel like looking around at your fellow passengers. Something is different. Something looks different. Something... It's Tit Monday! " For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girls getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin. After months of du