My water heater blew up yesterday evening. Properly blew up. Massive expensive-sounding pop. Smoke and shit. The offensive industrial odour of greasy, burning plastic. A combination of circumstances that makes you mutter a random selection of coprolalia (aka Tourettes) inspired swear words. I'd imagine that if you set fire to a pyre made of bodily-effluent infused mattress, a pile of rotting leaves, rusty coat hangers and dead hedgehogs it would probably smell the same. Aside from that, I knew the boiler was on the blink, I've had freezing fucking cold water for 2 days now and even though it's summer and 30 degrees, unheated water from the shower head is still like waters fresh from the fucking Arctic,....cockmunching dickwhistles.
I called a boiler engineer last night, but got no answer. Today I managed to get one, coming tomorrow. I can already guess that it's going to be expensive.
Cold showers are not actually that bad in the morning. There's some pseudo-scientific reasons too and, among other things, apparently they aid fat loss, tolerance to stress, and sleeping. I might take them a bit more.
Fortunately, the fuse blowing happened while it was still light. The sun was well hidden behind the trees and rapidly making a break for the horizon, wrapping the room in a transparent dark slate blue saran. The boiler exploding didn't just blow the house circuit breaker, it blew the main apartment one in the basement fuse box. Cockstorm jizz butlers. I nearly shit a kidney when it happened because the main circuit breaker in my apartment didn't work. I worriedly contemplated ringing my electric company. I thought I had actually fried the power cable to my building and took out all the power for my apartments, but luckily I could hear TV-sounds and see that the other lights were still on in other apartments. I then knew it must be another circuit breaker - probably the main one.
Maybe I can clean off my newly excreted kidney and exchange it for a regular supply of hot water.
An hour later...
One of my biggest concerns was "how the fuck am I gonna charge my phone?!" so after sitting down to eat dinner, charge my phone and watch a bit of TV I thought about a contingency plan if I lose all power again. I've got candles, raw and tinned food, whisky and a not-too-powerful torch. I could last for a few days, like over a weekend until I get to work then use their electricity. In the meantime, I'm prepared for a mini, apartment-sized apocalypse. I need to get some batteries though, and maybe a new torch. And actual books instead of relying on my tablet. Some sort of UPS setup would be helpful as well...
By the way, if you appreciate the use of creative swear words (which I definitely do), then add a wanktastic bum minge to your vocabulary; http://foulomatic.hnldesign.nl/
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