Skip to main content

15 minutes of dusk is enough...

My water heater blew up yesterday evening. Properly blew up. Massive expensive-sounding pop. Smoke and shit. The offensive industrial odour of greasy, burning plastic. A combination of circumstances that makes you mutter a random selection of coprolalia (aka Tourettes) inspired swear words. I'd imagine that if you set fire to a pyre made of bodily-effluent infused mattress, a pile of rotting leaves, rusty coat hangers and dead hedgehogs it would probably smell the same. Aside from that, I knew the boiler was on the blink, I've had freezing fucking cold water for 2 days now and even though it's summer and 30 degrees, unheated water from the shower head is still like waters fresh from the fucking Arctic,....cockmunching dickwhistles. 
I called a boiler engineer last night, but got no answer. Today I managed to get one, coming tomorrow. I can already guess that it's going to be expensive.

Cold showers are not actually that bad in the morning. There's some pseudo-scientific reasons too and, among other things, apparently they aid fat loss, tolerance to stress, and sleeping. I might take them a bit more.

Fortunately, the fuse blowing happened while it was still light. The sun was well hidden behind the trees and rapidly making a break for the horizon, wrapping the room in a transparent dark slate blue saran. The boiler exploding didn't just blow the house circuit breaker, it blew the main apartment one in the basement fuse box. Cockstorm jizz butlers. I nearly shit a kidney when it happened because the main circuit breaker in my apartment didn't work. I worriedly contemplated ringing my electric company. I thought I had actually fried the power cable to my building and took out all the power for my apartments, but luckily I could hear TV-sounds and see that the other lights were still on in other apartments. I then knew it must be another circuit breaker - probably the main one. 
Maybe I can clean off my newly excreted kidney and exchange it for a regular supply of hot water.

An hour later...

One of my biggest concerns was "how the fuck am I gonna charge my phone?!" so after sitting down to eat dinner, charge my phone and watch a bit of TV I thought about a contingency plan if I lose all power again. I've got candles, raw and tinned food, whisky and a not-too-powerful torch. I could last for a few days, like over a weekend until I get to work then use their electricity. In the meantime, I'm prepared for a mini, apartment-sized apocalypse. I need to get some batteries though, and maybe a new torch. And actual books instead of relying on my tablet. Some sort of UPS setup would be helpful as well...

By the way, if you appreciate the use of creative swear words (which I definitely do), then add a wanktastic bum minge to your vocabulary; http://foulomatic.hnldesign.nl/

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

An unusual shopping experience

A few days ago I was in a shopping centre near to Syndey Aquarium. I walked into a clothes shop there and started to look at the sunglasses they had on sale. A female member of sales staff walked past me, smiled and said the obligatory "hi, how are you. Want to try any sunnies on?". Standard reply of "oh,...no,...no thanks, I'm just looking thanks". Nothing unusual. I looked at the sunglasses a bit longer then slowly started to wander round the shop looking at other things. About 5 minutes had elapsed since I had entered the shop and spoken to the girl. I was now looking through their extensive collection of board shorts. Admiring the price, fabric, etc. This girl walked over and started folding clothes or doing something with clothes and hangers. I didn't pay any attention. Suddenly she exclaimed in an overfriendly way "what are you up to tonight?". I almost jumped with surprise, looked up at her, looked around to see if the question was directed ...

The social experiment

I saw this scene on Friday night in Sydney. I was standing at an intersection, a really busy intersection near China Town, waiting to meet some friends,...but they were late. So I had lots of time to stand around and wait for a break in the stream of pedestrians to take this picture. It still came out a little blurry, but I can describe it. On the left, a table of water bottles with a metal tin and a sign saying that the water bottles are $1, and then another sign saying it is unattended and that you should be honest and pay if you take a bottle. On the right of the picture is a guy kneeling on the pavement, possibly homeless, with a sign asking for money. Almost immediately this struck me as some sort of strange social experiment. Embrace your inner philanthropist by giving money to a homeless guy, buy yourself water for $1 and give no money to the homeless guy, steal a bottle of water, steal a bottle of water and give it to the homeless guy, or even buy a bottle for $1 and ...

The Mysterious Bird Death Chronicles

Mysterious Bird Death Chronicles started as a photograph that I took on a beach of a headless bird (probably a pigeon). See the picture below. As we walked along this beach, called Cave Beach , there were quite a few dead birds lying in state on the sand or tangled in decaying marine fauna, in various stages of putrification. All with one thing in common. They were headless. Completely decapitated. No skull stripped to the bone. No keratin beaks. No head whatsoever. Nothing. It was probably even a clean disengagement the head. I didn't poke around the bird carcasses, but I assumed that this was the case. This struck me as being perturbedly interesting. Why would these birds have no head? Did something eat it? Does the entirety of their cranium totally disintegrate into the atmosphere? Is there some wild animal around here that only eats the heads of dead animals? Also extremely and morbidly intriguing was the thought of the paradox of why this beach was a mass ornitholog...